I’m not talking about the sanitized, cookie-cutter version of romance you see in commercials. I’m talking about the messy, hopeful, heartbroken, and hilarious reality of growing up as the sidekick in my mother’s romantic storylines.
It’s the one we wrote together.
I wasn’t wise. I was just watching. I saw the way she dimmed her light to make him feel brighter. I saw how she stopped playing her favorite loud music because he said it gave him a headache. Sex Life With My Mother- Fantasy- -v1.0- -haruh...
Our relationship strained during those years. I was embarrassed by her neediness. She was terrified of being alone. We were two women living in a small apartment, projecting our fears onto each other.
When she started dating "The Musician" (a man who wore sunglasses indoors and called his guitar his "soulmate"), I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly strained a muscle. I’m not talking about the sanitized, cookie-cutter version
For most of my childhood, I thought every family operated this way. Dinner wasn’t just about meatloaf and algebra homework. Dinner was a debriefing. The salt shaker became "Gary the Accountant" who was "very stable but had no imagination." The pepper grinder was "Marco," the charming but unreliable contractor who once cried during a Celine Dion song.
My first real memory of her romantic life is "The Man in the Brown Jacket." He smelled like cedar and brought me a coloring book every Tuesday. I was devastated when he vanished. "He wasn't brave enough to handle both of us, baby," she said, tucking me into bed. "We are a two-for-one deal." I wasn’t wise
But then, she ended it. She threw his guitar pick out the window and said, "I forgot who I was." That moment was a better lesson in self-respect than any after-school special. The boyfriends stopped being the main plot. The subplot became us .
She started taking me out to dinner. Just us. She’d dress up, put on red lipstick, and open the car door for me. "A girl should know what it feels like to be courted," she said. "Even by her mother."
But they had the best ending of all.