Gay Blog: Amatuer

But here’s what I’m holding onto: For every Brad with a truck, and every Mark with a controller, there’s a guy out there who is also tired. Tired of the games. Tired of the scripts. A guy who just wants to hold hands at a farmer’s market and complain about the price of tomatoes.

The moral of this amateur experiment is simple: The grass isn’t greener on the straight apps. The grass is just… different. Sometimes it’s astroturf. Sometimes it’s actually just painted concrete.

Last Tuesday, at 11:47 PM, fueled by two glasses of cheap rosé and a deep, spiritual boredom, I did something stupid. I re-downloaded a “mainstream” dating app. You know, the one with the orange and white logo. The one where 90% of the profiles are either: a) A guy holding a fish. b) A guy whose bio just says “Fluent in sarcasm.” c) A guy who is “just looking for a gym bro.”

[Your Name]

Then he asked: “So, what do you do for work?”

That guy isn’t on the orange app. He’s probably at home, reading an amateur gay blog, wondering if he should send a message.

Because sometimes, being a gay man in your twenties feels like you’ve already met every single queer person within a 50-mile radius. You want the illusion of variety. You want to believe there’s a world where you don’t have to ask “Top or bottom?” before “What’s your name?” amatuer gay blog

Then came the guy. Let’s call him Brad. Brad’s profile had six photos. Five were of his truck. One was of his dog. His bio: “Conservative. God first. Just seeing what’s out there.”

I matched with a guy named “Mark.” Mark was cute. Glasses, stubble, a photo of him reading a book in a coffee shop. We chatted for an hour about The Last of Us TV show. I was swooning. I thought, This is it. This is the meet-cute.

Within three minutes, I got a match. A woman. "Hey! Love your smile! Do you go to Hillsong Church?" I politely replied that I am, in fact, a gay man, and she unmatched faster than I can say "internalized homophobia." But here’s what I’m holding onto: For every

So hey—if that’s you? Send the message.

For context, I’ve been out for about four years. I have a Grindr horror story that involves a unicycle (don’t ask), and a Scruff success story that ended after three dates because he didn’t like The Golden Girls (dealbreaker). So why did I go back to the dark side?

I swiped left so hard I nearly cracked my screen protector. A guy who just wants to hold hands

What’s your worst “straight app” experience? Drop it in the comments. Let’s suffer together. This post is part of the “Amateur Hour” series. I have no credentials, no editor, and no idea what I’m doing. But I’m doing it anyway.

Me: “I’m a freelance graphic designer.”